I am US born. I left for MIT and didn’t know anyone. I was a mature kid, and getting there I lost a lot of that maturity. It’s not been until now that I’ve realized how tremendously stressful a change like that is.
I think there’s good and bad with living at home… The best would be for him to stay local and move into a dorm, but if I’m footing the cost, there will have to be compromises. Maybe if he’s at UCB, we could find a studio for him to stay in, but if at Stanford, no go unless he gets a lot of scholarships.
Every mother is different. Every kid is different. I couldn’t wait to leave mine and go to college. She was authoritarian. My brother couldn’t wait to leave either–he didn’t wait until college–he ran away in high school. My relationship with my mother is fine now–because she can’t spank me anymore–but back then there was no friendship.
My son and I have a really good relationship. He’s probably the kind of kid who would call every week because he wants to, not because it’s expected. I understand that I need to give him space, but I also have to respect his maturity. Some kids don’t go through that “I don’t want to be hugged phase” because they don’t feel the need to rebel. I think he’s that kid. I let him be himself. And because he’s an awesome kid, it’s pretty easy to give him freedom because he always uses that freedom wisely. I keep thinking he’s going to enter that “don’t want to be hugged phase”, and when I say things to probe his feelings, he gets insulted that I’d think that. So I just have to take him at face value that he’ll tell me what he wants.
We’ll just have to see. Maybe an ADU, maybe a separate entrance to his bedroom. But we’ve sacrificed for him to go to a private middle school. If he stays for high school, that’s more sacrifices. But when it comes time for college–he’ll have to be the one making the sacrifices. And staying with us might be one of them. Life’s not going to get handed to him on a platter. He understands that there are tradeoffs, that frugality is the way to wealth, and that there is no perfect solution.