I highly advocate for living in a dorm during the first year of college. That’s where you learn all the tricks to succeed academically – exam sources, study grouping, etc. Once you learn the tricks and have enough friends to suffer through college with, you can choose to live off campus.
First couple of years of college (esp at state schools like Berkeley) would be dominated by “pre-med” students - 500 students in one calculus or inorganic chem class. Those “pre-meds” will all fail, of course, but you don’t want to be an odd duck missing out on past exam papers when everyone is competing like mad. You need to do this not because you also want to go to med school, but because it’ll impact on future GPA for your CS degree.
Nothing is sweeter than 80+ degrees and beautiful blondes in short shorts are studying organic chemistry on the lawn. If that doesn’t get you ready for the real world, I don’t know what does. UCLA has been leading the pack in undergrad apps for a number of years now…
You’ve already stated that the question assumes that it’s one or the other. But life doesn’t work that way.
Realistically forcing a child to take on the weight of caring for their parents will make both fail. It is better for parents to care for themselves and allow their children to make their way free of burden. The children are nimble and have a lot more time to succeed, but the parents–if they’ve already made a lot of mistakes–have very little time left to successfully FIRE.
When parents sacrifice their house to pay for a child’s college education, the entire family is in trouble. Way better for the parents to be stable and make the house available while the kids launch themselves even if it’s harder for the kids. The kids have way more leeway to make mistakes.
And exactly who wants to marry a guy who is taking care of his parents and has them move in with you? Would you like your son to be a bachelor and live with you his whole life? That seems like a big fail to me.
People will loan the student all sorts of money. There are tons of articles on students that graduate with $100k+ in student loan debt. That’s all in their name not their parents.
Chinese families are run this way. My parents stay with me when I was married till I came here. Now staying with my sister. My siblings and me give monthly allowance to our parents till today, starting from 1st day of work. My bank account is nearly zero for many years of my career but that doesn’t stop me from getting married and buy a house … when there is a desire, there is a way Better to be equal misery than kids soaring like eagles while parents living in poverty. This is called filial piety.
Yeah, but my kid is white. It’s just not in our culture. And if he married someone whose culture it was normal, there’s be race issues for the other family (lets just admit it–immigrants do not like interracial marriages. I know Indian men and women and African men whose parents would disown them if they didn’t marry someone in their own “tribe”/“state”. One of my Indian friends brought his white girlfriend home and his father ignored her the entire week she was there.)
Aaah, but my point is the real students (most of them), the ones who do well in life after, had to overcome these wonderful forbidden fruit, all in a mine field, waiting to upend them. The smart ones move through, unscathed. I know a lot of people from UCs, Berkeley and UCLA mostly. To be honest, I would say only ONE person that I know of is not doing so well after school (he even has a grad degree from back east). And I truly believe, he is more lazy than not bright enough. My roommate for a year at UCLA is financially secure, retired early and is just enjoying life. Another friend and fellow Bruin won a Grammy. Sure, most are working stiffs but all own decent to nice homes and are more than fine. Again, the beauty of it all is that the cost of the education received was relatively cheap. Best bang for the buck!!!
Well, it did weigh me down for about 10 years but I manage to figure out a way to break free from the predicament. Now, not only can I maintain the monthly allowance to them but give them & my extended family tons of Apple products There is no way I will let my parents & my siblings live in poverty while I live in comfort.
… when there is a desire, there is a way 
Better to be equal misery than kids soaring like eagles while parents living in poverty. This is called filial piety.
There is no way I will let my parents & my siblings live in poverty while I live in comfort.