How generous of you…
I love how this thread changed back to discussion about Manch’s home…lol
1 Like
[quote=“Terri, post:58, topic:2818, full:true”]
I either set up the expectation that there was no need to pay for me or didn’t weed out the guys who thought they’d get me to pay after marriage too… while taking care of the kids full time too.[/quote]
I would not have put up with this. If the guy is so stingy that he protests against spending money on me, I’d be so done with him. Someone who is not willing to sacrifice anything is not worth my time.
1 Like
Not sure if you still expect me to answer these after the topic diverted. If you want to know what I look like, just try to picture a sporty Asian milliennial girl. To some people they all look the same anyway.
1 Like
Something like that. Essentially the message I got was “I don’t want to pay to house your stuff.” and “I expect you to go back to work to pay for a house” (so we can live in a neighborhood we couldn’t afford at the time)
Awww… you should’ve married an Asian. But maybe you like them hairier… there’s always a tradeoff! 
A happy marriage is more important than a house. I would rather have a happy marriage at a rental house than an unhappy one in a mansion. Women love the house more than their husband sometimes
Maybe I was brainwashed, I Want to pay for everything on dates, Asian gal or not. .
2 Likes
Asians are cute… Asian daughters are super cute. I guess I missed my opportunity. Ahh well.
Obviously it depends on the couple–some couples prefer to rent for the flexibility, lack of responsibility towards maintenance, school district they can’t buy a house in. If there’s an agreement that’s fine.
But for me, the house is an extension and expression of my motherhood. Being in a rental where I’m told I can’t do stuff is frustrating. Unable to renovate, fix things properly, or put in a proper garden–it’s all frustrating. Our place looks like a piece of sh*t, and my husband doesn’t want to pay to fix the physical plant that the landladies are neglecting when we don’t get the longterm benefit (which I’m not arguing with, but we can’t move to a better place either right now without paying twice as much).
Being told by your husband that he doesn’t want to pay to support you while you’re taking care of three young kids–he’s saying he doesn’t appreciate what you do for the family–get off your butt and take on another job, slacker–you don’t matter as a mom. (That was what he was saying really.) Or as someone put it “Are you sure he just isn’t willing to commit?” yeah. I think he was regretting being married.
A house would’ve made a happy marriage for us. Yes still stressful, but not as stressful as having none. Now we’re trying to pick up the pieces and move on. The $600K-$700K we would’ve saved/made if we’d bought when I started looking would have made a huge difference whether we stay or leave the BA. Could’ve bought a larger house already or had one entirely paid off anywhere else in the uS. Now I have to make up that difference whether I like it or not and we either leave the BA, or his commute will be longer and less pleasant or we’ll never buy a house and continue to pay rent increases at 10-15%. He shot himself in the foot too. He realizes that now. The rapid price increase definitely took him by surprise.
1 Like
[quote=“harriet, post:63, topic:2818, full:true”]
I hear you.
I’m not sure I knew what to do about it. With kids involved, you don’t want to break up what is otherwise a functional family with happy kids over a housebuying decision. Divorce is never cheaper–it’s two households to maintain, instead of one and you’ve torn the kids’ lives apart. So essentially I gave up the house for keeping the kids in an intact family and being home with them. I don’t think I’ll regret that particular decision, I just question my judgement on what I missed on deciding who to marry or how to better stand up for my needs when things like this happen.
I have considered two things though:
-
If my parents die, I will buy a house with the estate, without involving him, and put it in a trust for my kids (my mom would never want the money she worked hard for to go to his second wife–she wants the kids to have it).
-
I’d considered the possibility of signing on a house without him once I went back to work full time if I didn’t need his income on the mortgage. That can’t happen now though in the local market–it’s gone up too much.
For the future though, if we move out of the BA, I will insist that his income cover the house, and we’re not going to buy more than what can be afforded on one salary regardless of what he wants. Anything I make will go towards college/retirement. And I won’t move unless we have a house closed on. He seems ok with that–he brought it up and said he assumed we’d just buy if we leave here. He’s tired of renting at this point.
Do not worry too much about the house. It’s way more difficult and important to have a happy marriage and happy kids than buying a house.
You may think $600k is a lot of money, but think about how much money your family is worth to you. Are you willing to leave your family if someone gives you 600k or a dream house?
Money or a house is never that important. Do not stress about it.
On the other hand, your husband can also think about whether the risk of a housing price decline is more important than the happiness of the family.
Many dumb people bought houses based on their family needs and their affordability. They might know nothing abou finance and have no financial literacy to do any meaningful analysis, but most of them enjoyed their life.
4 Likes
Agree completely with BABG, but if there is a value you hold true whatever it may be. It’s hard to compromise.
1 Like
Oooh, that sounds quite nice actually…
Well, they say marriage is more about finances than it is about love…
What are the chances of that?
One in a million, but he’s obviously proud and he brought up picture time!